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Interview: Larry Feathers
Posted February 28, 2007 at 11:27:18 AM by Bean in the Interviews category
Larry Feathers is my cousin, Jeff. He agreed to be number two in the Beanblog Interview Series.
Q: Before I start, should I call you Jeff or Larry, and would you like to preface this interview with anything?

A: You can call me Jeff or Larry - I have no preference. I think you're smart for not setting the "interesting bar" too high at the beginning.

Q: Great! To keep things as complicated as possible, I'll refer to you as both Jeff AND Larry throughout the Interview. Now, here's a question to get started: Where did the name "Larry Feathers" come from?

A: When I was in high school and college, a group of my friends used to spend a lot of time playing video games. Some games allowed us to create our own players. All of us kids would end up being turned into video game characters, and we'd normally make up several imaginary characters as well. Made up characters included Oscar Tissue, Lew Crayons, Elge and Elge's Elge, and Principal Don Feathers. We were pretty cool.

I work for the government. One of my favorite times to work for the government is when we have new job announcements. I like new job announcements because it's fun to submit phoney resumes. Once we were hiring an editor, and I thought it would be good to send in the most poorly written resume ever (irony). The fake editor applicant was called Ronald Feathers (unbeknownst to government officials, Ronald Feathers was the fake second cousin of Principal Don Feathers).

Once when I was in New Albany, Brad told me about this lady who lives on Grant Line Road and who always has a yard sale (And it's true because I've been up there probably three times since the story I'm about to tell, and that woman is still having a yard sale). We decided to go shopping at the yard sale because Brad was shopping for apartment decorations. The woman had this really terrible black felt clown picture on display in her yard, and Brad offered to buy it. Problem was that the picture wasn't for sale. Instead, the woman had it in her yard on account of God speaks to her through the black felt clown picture. We asked why she would put something on display if it isn't for sale, and she told us that her plan was to attract us to her yard sale so she could show us her rose bush. Turns out God also speaks to her through the rose bush. I told her that I thought she was full of it. She asked me to go inside her house with her. I told her I was too scared. It was at this point that she made the following totally unexpected announcement to all: "I AM COVERED IN FEATHERS!" I asked her what in the world she was talking about. She replied that she is truly covered in feathers.

So I guess you could say that feathers have been a very important part of my life. When I started my blog, I knew that I had to be a Feathers. All that was left was to choose a first name, and that's a really easy decision with a name like "Larry" out there.

Therefore, Larry Feathers.

I found this picture of a genuine Larry Feathers on Google Images. Those are some kinda pants! It might be fun to make up a name for his friend. Wayne McJunkinstonton?

Q: Larry, you live in Texas where it's hot, right?. What's the hottest day you can remember?

A: Yes, it can get quite hot in Texas. The problem isn't so much the heat on a given day, but the fact that the heat is relentless. It'll get to be 100 degrees and stay that way for a month.

Two really hot times come to mind. First was the heat wave of 1980. I believe 1980 was our first summer in Texas, and over 1,200 people died from heat that summer (though I'm not sure all of those deaths were in Texas). When you're a kid you don't so much mind the heat as when you become a fat adult. I guess I remember that heat wave more for the marketing campaign that accompanied it than for the actual effect of the heat on my person. There was a whole industry that sprung up around the slogan "I survived the Texas heat wave." Pretty catchy! Most of the "Heat Wave" S was sold at a really hot place called Trader's Village. Trader's Village is a place where various peddlers come to sell lots of crummy crap to mostly poor people. Trader's Village is in a city called Grand Prairie. Grand Prairie is called Grand Prairie because it is literally a grand prairie. Now it's a grand prairie with a bunch of houses - one of which belongs to Karen and Rex Ollis. Anyway, that was evidently a very hot summer.

The other hot time that comes to mind was this past summer. The local golf course offered a deal where you could play all the golf you wanted for a month in exchange for $75. I bought it, played three times, and ended up getting heat exhaustion and making a lot of throw up. I'd probably let any of your readers kick me in the nuts once a week for the rest of my life if I could be guaranteed of never throwing up again. I'd also be willing to have constant diarrhea in exchange for not having to throw up anymore.

Anyway, last summer was the only time I've ever had heat exhaustion. So that stands out as memorable heat.

Q: I remember listening to They Might Be Giants in a car with you back in 1990 when they came out with Flood. Do you still listen to TMBG?

A: Yes, I currently have "Flood" and "Severe Tire Damage" on my iPod. I also have a children's CD + DVD they made a couple years ago. Some of it is weird, but most of it is good. In about 1988, Brad came down for a couple weeks one summer. Now this is going to sound really gay, but it seems like all we did was lay around on a waterbed with my friend Brandon listening to They Might Be Giants "Don't Let's Start" mini-cd while Brandon passed lots of the most disgusting goulash-inspired gas in the history of ever. I love memories.

Q: That's gold, Jeff, GOLD! You should check out TMBG's newer album titled "The Spine". What are some of your favorite sites to visit on the wide wide world of web?

A: First and foremost, I like going to your blog and the blogs of other people I know. Other than that, some of my favorite WWW sites include:
  • (Though sometimes a bit raunchy, this site contains links to some pretty funny stuff.)
  • (This site rates the pros and cons of each seat on all models of commercial aircraft. As a relatively frequent flyer, this site is important to me.)
  • (This site discusses current events in the world of the Texas Rangers baseball club and its minor league system.)
  • (This is the site of my favorite band, Belle & Sebastian.)
Q: Have you ever seen a ghost, an alien, or Bigfoot?

A: I have never seen a ghost, but I believe in them. I have never seen an alien, but I'm sure they exist. I have never seen Bigfoot. I think Bigfoot is make believe.

Q: Finally, the question that is burning holes in beanblog readers brains: When will you make your triumphant return to blogging?

A: Hopefully that glorious day will occur sooner than later. I've decided to start using the train more often (at the behest of Honorary Dr. Al Gore). Usually blogworthy things happen on the train (e.g., yesterday - by using reasoning - I broke up what was about to turn into a fist fight between black people and white people on the ride home), and I'll make sure to start writing about them as they do. And at the same time I'll be changing my carbon footprint (which is evidently a good thing even though I don't really have any idea what I'm talking about).

Thanks for letting me do this. I rather enjoy writing about me.
Brad (February 28, 2007 at 12:57:54 PM):
Priceless stuff. I spent two hours at work on Monday reading through the archives of the LF blog. Please at least tell about the race war on the train.

Good Interview questions Bean. I am diggin the interviews.
Finch (February 28, 2007 at 02:25:03 PM):
Ho-lee Shiite. I did not expect this "my favorite band, Belle & Sebastian". Subscribe Larry Feathers.

I expect a comment on this re: dooleyblog bands blog.
corbin (February 28, 2007 at 02:59:50 PM):
the kicking in the nuts and gay waterbed summer had me elling oh ell!
bigD (February 28, 2007 at 03:26:54 PM):
Belle & Sebastian are pretty good, but not nearly as good as Dasani Notebook! Both pale in comparison to Black Pen Optical Mouse.
tara (February 28, 2007 at 09:28:07 PM):
I got one of those t-shirts at Traders Village in 1980. It was light blue.
Sassmouth (March 02, 2007 at 01:07:53 PM):
Good interview. Hello, brad's cousins.

I too would like to read the story of the train confrontation. I imagine you could have a blog dedicated to train stories if you wanted.
Bean (March 02, 2007 at 04:44:55 PM):
Larry Feathers'ses TrainBlog
tschy (March 06, 2007 at 08:42:57 PM):
that is precisely how I pictured Larry Feathers to appear....
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