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Toxins
Posted May 14, 2004 at 08:38:14 AM by Bean

Talked to another psychologist last night.  Actually, she was a psychologist in training, from what I could tell.  She took on my problems from a different vantage point than most others that I have talked to.  Although the center she works for is associated with a Christian church, and she herself is a Baptist, not once during the 90 minutes did she quote the Bible.  She didn't offer answers.  She only offered to help me find my own.  And however hokey this sounded at first, I appreciate it, and I think I will see her again.  She is digging, trying to find the source of my problem.  Rather than looking for the source of the questions, she is trying to find out why I have become completely obsessed with them.  And while I acknowledge that the obsession itself is there, I don't see it really as a problem, since the thing I am obsessing about is not some trivial hobby, but an importent part of who I am and how I live my life.  So, while I don't know excatly where she is going with the things we talk about, I have decided to give her the benefit of the doubt.  I have to accept that she knows more about this kind of stuff than I do.

Had blood drawn for testing this morning.  Maybe I'll luck out and this will all be a nasty stomach flu that has leached psychodelic toxins into my blood and driven me to insanity.  I'll take some antibiotics and be back to Bean in no time.  Maybe.  Maybe not.

In related news: One of the books that has been recomended to me by a few people I have talked to is Mere Christianity by C.S. Lewis.  After chapter 3, I already have a major problem with one of his assumptions.  He says, in so many words that the idea that we ought to be "unselfish" could not have risen through the same concept of evolution that could have given us the more obvious instincts we have.  He argues that being unselfish, although benefitting society, does not benefit me, so how can it be called beneficial.  My view is that benefitting society does benefit me in the long run, and my decendents.  A strong society with strong social bonds will survive better in nature than a chaotic one.  So anything that contributes to a society is beneficial to me and mine.  Has anyone ever read this book?  Does anyone have any comments on this?  I liked the book up until that point, but I think I am going to have a hard time with the rest of the book if he builds upon that point in any way.



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